Alana Roberts confirms and expands on the Akerman pay cuts we talked about Monday:

One source said the cuts may not affect all of the firm’s associates in the same way over time.

“The associates who are performing on a very high level probably won’t at the end of the day receive pay cuts. They’ll get taken care of in bonuses,” said one of the sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

Cuts were made in response to the difficult economy, which has resulted in slower-paying clients, more clients demanding discounts and a decline in demand for legal services.

“The thought process was to preserve associate jobs,” the source said, while noting the firm remains financially strong.

“There’s no doubt that it’s harder to collect money. That’s the case in every business, but Akerman has been strong,” the source said. “They don’t have a lot of debt. They’re in a lot better position than a lot of other firms.”

Oh come on. I think this source is blowing smoke, and job cuts are probably already on the table.

I hope I'm wrong.

But what do I know -- I am not Nick Nanton:

Known as “The Celebrity Lawyer” for his role in promoting, marketing and creating Celebrity Experts across such diversified fields as entertainment, health and fitness, law, medicine, personal development, finance, and real estate, Nick represents many top Celebrity Experts and serves as the Producer of America’s PremierExperts™

television show. He also produces The Next Big Thing™ radio show, designed to recognize the top Celebrity Experts and bring their solutions to consumers and media outlets alike.

Nick is the co-author of the best-selling book, Celebrity Branding You™ and serves as editor and publisher of Celebrity Press™, a publishing company that produces and releases books by top Celebrity Experts. Nick and his longtime business and law partner, JW Dicks, Esq., use their proprietary Celebrity Branding® process to help entrepreneurs, professionals, CEOs, authors and professional speakers realize their dreams of becoming Celebrity Experts, create multiple revenue streams through IDEA Marketing™, and ultimately grow their organizations based on their teachings and systems.

I love press releases by lawyers, but this one takes the cake.

Can someone explain to me what the hail Nick is talking about?

Heard something about 10 percent along the line.

Thanks to the tipsters, I appreciate it!

Well it's Memorial Day weekend and I am sure many of you have already left your offices for parts unknown, to the east, west, south and north somewhat, as someone famous once said.

But it's almost summer, so that means movies, right?

Like the Star Trek reboot, which in my view captured the tone, humor, and humanity of the original while injecting fresh blood and some real vitality back into the franchise.

To paraphrase Spock -- live long and prosper, Schlomo.

Still, let's hope the weather clears so we can have a little fun outside.

What -- would you rather camp inside Magistrate Judge Brown's courtroom like those Akerman attorneys John Pacenti wrote about?

Isn't this line classic Judge Brown:

The dispute spilled out at an April 20 hearing — the third on the discovery issue in about a month — when Brown found himself parenting the two sides, warning the attorneys that he was tired of wasting time in the case.

“It’s not like you are paying rent for this courtroom,” the magistrate said.

He said he had little sympathy for the defendants, but “I’m not throwing them to the wolves here either.” He also pointedly criticized the government, saying, “I think the SEC is far more interested in discovery than they are in bringing this case to a conclusion.”

That whole mess is one big triple-oy.

Plus, FSU has no hope next year!

(Sorry, judge.)

Anyways, I'm heading out early for some rainy-day windsurfing -- you all know I love a little moderate chop.

And I'll probably be paying a visit to my masseuse, gaining some sympathy weight, carefully watching someone special eat lots of chocolate, and, as always, putting my hands on something especially delicious -- it is a holiday weekend, after all.

I'll probably be around on Monday, so see you then!

It's old news now to read of departures at Kluger & [partner to be named later], but to hear of four high-level lawyers heading to Akerman -- which has had its own shakeups recently -- is a fresh twist:

Akerman Senterfitt today announced the continued expansion of its Litigation and Bankruptcy practices, as Dee Dee Fischer, Andrew Gold, Jason Oletsky and Brett Marks have joined the firm as shareholders in the Fort Lauderdale office. Ms. Fischer, Mr. Gold and Mr. Oletsky bring extensive trial experience in complex commercial litigation for private equity firms on a national level. Mr. Marks is a seasoned attorney with deep involvement in bankruptcy, creditors' rights and workouts. All four were most recently partners at Kluger Peretz Kaplan & Berlin. And in the last few months, Akerman has added more than 30 new attorneys in Corporate, Litigation, Bankruptcy, Healthcare, Governmental Affairs and Public Policy as well as other practice areas.

First of all, congrats to this top-notch team and to Akerman for landing them.

But to our many Akerman insider readers, are things really as rosy as their PR department claims?

Boy they can do just about anything with numbers nowadays.

I was in a pretty surly mood when I came in this morning, what with the continued news of layoffs and terminations -- just this week we had Foley & Lardner, SSD, and the continued reports of drips and drabs at Akerman.

But like they say about the weather in New England, if you don't like it just wait a while:

Faber, elected in 2006, said in his memo that the old system, which would have ignored Arzola’s years on the county bench, was “demeaning” to Arzola. “As a fellow county court judge, it is demeaning to me,” he said.

Circuit Judge Reemberto Diaz fired off a terse response to Faber’s e-mail.

“Mr. Faber: In the past few weeks, I have received three (3) unsolicited e-mails from you. Let me respond in the order they were received:

1. NO. I don’t know an interior decorator to recommend to you;

2. NO. I don’t want to buy comedy tickets from you;

3. NO. I’m not interested in your misguided opinion about the chief judge’s decision.

This is not Craig’s list nor a blog. Have a good day.”

Why was I not copied on this email?

As a matter of fact, I happen to know several fine interior decorators; I am always up for good live stand-up (who was it, btw?); and I would indeed be very interested in Judge Farber's (or "Mr. Farber," I guess) "misguided opinion" on the Chief Judge's decision, interior decorators, comedy tickets or anything else.

And, for the record, this is in fact a blog.

To sum it up, Susannah A. Nesmith's story today is a must-read, filled with small charms at nearly every turn.

For example, there's this from Judge Cuerto, who is upset that he got passed over for criminal court by Judge Arzola:

“I do not want to bring any negative publicity to our branch of government, which is still held in high regard in the community,” he wrote in the e-mail to all judges in the county.

Ok, I think that's a fair statement, but will all these emails help?

At least someone has a sense of humor -- Judge Pineiro, in a nod to Three Stooges fans everywhere, called for the inevitable:

“Alright, I think it is definitely time to resolve this discussion and bring it to a dignified conclusion — one which will make us proud,” he wrote. “I suggest pies (preferably apple) at 10 paces.”

See, this Judge has both an appreciation of classic comedy and an understanding of the limits of email privacy.

Whichever way the pie crumbles, thanks for turning around my morning!

Sorry, had a brief Pink Floyd moment there for a second.

Well it's Monday, time to get back on the wheel and run rabbit run.....

Sheesh, I'm tired already.

I see the Herald's owner plans to cut another 1600 jobs. Can I make a few suggestions?

Meanwhile, all your anonymous posters got a slight victory as the Maryland Supreme Court imposed some reasonable limitations on a plaintiff's ability to obtain poster information in the defamation context (thanks to a friend for the link!):

The New Jersey appellate court in Dendrite, Int’l. v. Doe took a more moderate approach. That court held that a plaintiff seeking the identification of an anonymous internet speaker must establish facts sufficient to maintain a prima facie case.

The Maryland court in the present case joined in the more moderate Dendrite approach, holding that when a trial court is confronted with a defamation action in which anonymous speakers or pseudonyms are involved, it should:

• require the plaintiff to undertake efforts to notify the anonymous posters that they are the subject of a subpoena or application for an order of disclosure, including posting a message of notification of the identity discovery request on the message board;
• withhold action to afford the anonymous posters a reasonable opportunity to file and serve opposition to the application;
• require the plaintiff to identify and set forth the exact statements purportedly made by each anonymous poster, alleged to constitute actionable speech;
• determine whether the complaint has set forth a prima facie defamation per se or per quod action against the anonymous posters; and
• if all else is satisfied, balance the anonymous poster’s First Amendment right of free speech against the strength of the prima facie case of defamation presented by the plaintiff and the necessity for disclosure of the anonymous defendant’s identity, prior to ordering disclosure.

The Independent Newspapers case is an important case not necessarily because of any groundbreaking jurisprudence that it establishes, but because of the comprehensive way it treats the issue of unmasking unknown internet speakers. The opinion is a nearly exhaustive look at the current state of this question of law.

If you all are interested in this stuff, the opinion and Mr. Brown's write-up is well worth a look.

Whoa -- Francis Carter on the move again -- wasn't it only a few years ago that he joined Akerman?

Regardless, congrats to all on the new gig.

And how was your weekend?

It was nice seeing someone intelligent behind the Presidential podium last night, attempting to answer difficult questions with some sense of context, history, reality, and informed judgment. Whether any of it will work, however, is another matter....

Meanwhile, DBR's Alana Roberts works the endless well of Akerman rumors and speculation and finds some non-equity partners are getting all Carvered-Up:

Akerman Senterfitt has reported a dramatic 30 percent drop in its non-equity shareholders, capping off a difficult year marked by rapid turnover, the embarrassing collapse of a merger and the revelation that it missed its budget.

Other than that, though, things are just peachy!

And over at Hogan & Hartson they have frozen associate pay and are trying to figure out a way to get rid of their secretarial staff....nicely:

Hogan & Hartson is the latest firm looking to trim its legal staff, but it hasn't enacted layoffs.

Instead, the Washington-based firm offered buyouts on Monday to about 240 of its legal secretaries and word processors. Staff and associate layoffs have become commonplace at law firms in the past six months, but Hogan & Hartson is among the first to encourage staffers to leave voluntarily.

"In the end, I think people are going to feel pretty good that the firm gave people a choice," said Hogan & Hartson Chairman J. Warren Gorrell Jr. The buyout offer has been extended to secretaries and word processors who have been with the firm for at least five years. Those who choose to accept the buyout will receive four weeks of pay, plus an additional week of pay for every year they spent with the firm. The buyout offer is more lucrative for longtime secretaries, who generally make more money than recent hires.

Everyone knows longtime secretaries at big firms are notoriously tough survivors, who are not pushed around easily and have lots of ways of exacting vengeance if they feel mistreated or under appreciated.

Better have a runner taste that coffee, Mr. BigFirm BigShot -- better yet, pour it yourself.

Oh hail I'm not done yet this morning. Here's my ode to you beleaguered BigFirmers, sung to the tune of Joni's "Both Sides Now":

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "You're Fired" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and declining profits-per-partner
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
They question why my billables went down
And why I don't originate

I've practiced law from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's the BS from the managing partner I recall
I really didn't know he was such a heartless jerk after all

I've practiced law from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's that crap from that jerkoff in my exit interview I recall
I really don't like this place after all

Hang in there, folks!

There's no greater victim in this whole economic meltdown than the poor and beleaguered bailout bank exec, especially now that noted Black Socialist Muslim Barack Obama wants to limit their pay to a measly half million.

Sheesh, that guy's a failure already!

Fortunately, those downtrodden and penniless bankers have a friend in Akerman attorney J. Thomas Cardwell, who will do everything possible to ensure these bailout bankers personally rake in as much taxpayer money as possible.....for the good of the country:

''The idea that you would take institutions that are not doing well and limit their ability to hire and retain the best talent seems counterintuitive to me,'' said J. Thomas Cardwell, general counsel to the Florida Bankers Association and an attorney with the Akerman Senterfitt firm. ``I think it could lead to unfortunate results.''

"Unfortuate results"? You're not kidding -- these folks could only earn a half-million! I'd call that tragic.

God bless you, Mr. Cardwell.

BTW, could it be merely a coincidence that Cardwell is only two names away from one of our favorite Akerman attorneys?

I'm starting to get that feeling again....