Blog of law articles

You know, some idiot bloggers have suggested that certain recent Supreme Court cases have forced litigants to include a lot of extra verbiage in complaints nowadays, most of it entirely irrelevant and unrelated to the actual legal claims for relief.

I don't know about you, but now that Alan Kluger is off the Mr. Chow case, celebrity lawyer Bert Fields has really amped it up with a Second Amended Complaint that reads like a screenplay for the soon-to-be-major-motion-picture about the Life and Times of Michael Chow.

Here's a taste of the pleading:

From Exile comes Reinvention, Revolution and Innovation

20. Michael Chow, the real Mr. Chow, was born in Shanghai, China. His father was a renowned grand master of the Beijing opera and is regarded as a “national treasure,” a rare and highly respected honor in The Peoples Republic of China. In a bipartisan bill introduced into the United States Senate in 2005 by then-Democratic Senator Joseph Lieberman and Republican Senator Lamar Alexander for the purpose of educating American youth about the rich culture of China, Mr. Chow’s father was recognized as one of the eight most influential people in the history of China.

21. As a result of his father’s influence, young Mr. Chow was immersed in China’s venerable and refined arts. The legacy bestowed by his father’s position and artistic accomplishments ultimately inspired the work of Mr. Chow in the West.

22. Mr. Chow was first introduced to Western culture at the tender age of 13, when he was sent to London to further his education. In London, he studied arts and architecture. As an uprooted young man, he was isolated from his family and from the rich Chinese culture. In fact, from the very day he left Shanghai, Mr. Chow was never able to communicate with nor see his father again.

23. Being separated from his family and his heritage left Mr. Chow longing to bring the great culinary tradition of China to the West. Mr. Chow realized his dream in 1968, when he opened his first visionary and revolutionary designer restaurant, the eponymous MR CHOW. The mission of Mr. Chow – both the man and his restaurant – was then and remains today to promote an appreciation and understanding of the complex and varied cuisine of China through authentic interpretations, refinements, and reinventions of classic dishes.

24. Successfully accomplishing these goals, Mr. Chow has devoted his entire life to carefully constructing at his restaurant a universe of experiences for his clients, with each detail intended to bridge the gap between East and West through the medium of Chinese cuisine, creating a unique fine dining experience. Over time, and through painstaking effort, Mr. Chow has been able to convert a misunderstood and largely unfamiliar cuisine into an art form with a cult following by providing clients of the MR CHOW Restaurants with a dining experience that both enlightens and entertains.

Bert also does an extended riff on the ancient art of "hand-pulled noodle-making":

27. In addition to preparing authentic Chinese cuisine, Mr. Chow has always been keenly interested in educating and entertaining his clients, with a view towards honoring and sharing China’s cultural heritage. Among the many things Mr. Chow has done to accomplish this objective was to bring the ancient art of hand-pulled noodle-making to his restaurants, where he created and introduced a nightly noodle-making show in the dining room at his first restaurant some forty-one years ago which has continued ever since in each MR CHOW Restaurant. This show has been exhibited on national television and has even been demonstrated in the Kung Fu Panda movie DVD.

28. The ancient art of stretching hundreds of fine noodle strands from a mound of dough entirely by hand and without knives or other utensils, remained first in Asia and then in the kitchen, until Mr. Chow brought it to England and America and into the dining room in his nightly noodle show. The rapid, skillful transformation of dough into noodle strands from a trolley in the center of the dining room is one of Mr. Chow’s many signature innovations, and is inextricably associated with the MR CHOW Restaurants.

Ok fine, but Ramen noodles got me through college.

Seriously though, does Judge Hoeveler need to read all that?

Lamar Alexander, "tender age of 13," London, East meets West, Beijing Opera, trolleys, Kung Fu Panda -- oy!

Last I checked, it's still Chinese food.

(BTW, there's a great recent book on how Chinese food got so amazingly uniform and ubiquitous in American culture here.)

I'd never thought I'd say this, but we may need to bring back Alan.